Maybe I am just in a post-y mood today - but today seems to be an overly emotional day. I remembered a story from when I was younger. I was in class about grade 5 when I accidentally sent a rather large staple right through my thumb nail and out through my finger! (Eek). Now to sum up my shyness as a child in a few sentences - I sat there, told no one, holding my poor finger, and proceeding to turn various shades of white. Finally my teacher noticed I was looking rather faint and asked me if I was okay. Now at this point any normal kid would proclaim "I stapled my thumb!!!" but I said I was okay and just needed to go to the principals office. So off down the hallway I went leaving a small trail of blood. I told the lady at the office I just wasn't feeling well and needed to call my mom, while hiding my battle wound behind my back. Now I feel bad for my poor mom, here is her daughter calling her telling her she has been bleeding profusely from the thumb and has told no one for over 30minutes :) Well lets just say she rapidly told me "Megan TELL SOMEONE, ASK FOR HELP"
... now why is this oddly funny story relate-able to the present moment - well I think I feel like the little girl afraid to ask for help, I am trying to be as big as I can and remember that I don't have to do this alone. But then this little voice creeps into my head and says "just go to all your tests alone you don't want to bother anyone" "no one will even visit after surgery" or the worst " maybe everyone else would be better off if you didn't even get the surgery - you'll be a burden" - I need to remember not to be the little girl trying to hide what is really happening and ask people for help. I am sure I will be surprised how many people really do care <3
Friday, 28 February 2014
The First Step
Greetings everyone, I believe the best way to begin this blog post is to provide you with a bit of my background. I was first diagnosed at the age for 14 with Thoracic Lumbar Idiopathic Scoliosis (aka Middle back, lower back, we don't know where the hell it came from, curve of the spine) - Yes it is a mouthful. My parents and I decided at that point to pursue the medical route of gaining as much knowledge as possible. However, due to the callous and insensitive nature from some (not all) of the doctors we visited, we wound up confused, scared and lost (they say there is a correlation between a PhD and a personality ) . Consequently, and maybe for the best, we decided to forgo the surgery and rely on non surgical methods and the hope that the curve will stabilize and not progress.....
In the meantime while we were waiting to determine the outcome of my condition we pursued an alternative route of Chiropractic care. Now I definitely only have good things to say about my experience with Dr. Gajdos. He was able to help relieve pain in my back all throughout my teenage and young adult years. I only wish that chiropractic care was not simply for relief of pain or stabilizing and could be used for straightening the spine as well, but of course it is never that easy of an answer.
In 2011, my father and I traveled to the United States (from Canada) to visit the Lancaster Spine Health Clinic for the expertise of Dr. Clayton for non surgical treatment. Now, even though I will say the treatment did not help I would never speak ill of the program. When it comes to a situation like scoliosis treatment there is not a definite alternative to surgery and I really do pray and hope that one day a non surgical treatment, perhaps the one in Lancaster, will make the break through needed for all scoliosis patients.
Well sadly, as I write today I can tell you that the pursuit of non surgical treatments, and prayer did not prevail. Now at 24 years I have a 70 degree C curve with a high rate of progression and am one month away from scoliosis surgery.
Now lets discuss emotions,or better lack of emotions - I have never felt so disconnected, numb, and scared at the same time. When I received the phone call from Dr. Mahood's office a week ago informing me that a date has been set (March 25, 2014) I was not sure if I should cry and run away or leap in joy. I am still in the same state of confusion and shock. One day I'll proclaim to my family and friends that this is all I have been waiting for and what an amazing thing surgery will be, then in the same breath start crying and realize how small and alone I really feel.
I am sure that future Megan will look back at this post and say "silly girl what were you worrying about everything turned out just fine" and trust me I cannot wait for that day.
But for now, I have pre-assessment at the Royal Alex Hospital on Monday to make sure everything is a-okay. In addition, I am currently compiling a list of surgery preparation for the home and heart - It will be my next post :)
In the meantime while we were waiting to determine the outcome of my condition we pursued an alternative route of Chiropractic care. Now I definitely only have good things to say about my experience with Dr. Gajdos. He was able to help relieve pain in my back all throughout my teenage and young adult years. I only wish that chiropractic care was not simply for relief of pain or stabilizing and could be used for straightening the spine as well, but of course it is never that easy of an answer.
In 2011, my father and I traveled to the United States (from Canada) to visit the Lancaster Spine Health Clinic for the expertise of Dr. Clayton for non surgical treatment. Now, even though I will say the treatment did not help I would never speak ill of the program. When it comes to a situation like scoliosis treatment there is not a definite alternative to surgery and I really do pray and hope that one day a non surgical treatment, perhaps the one in Lancaster, will make the break through needed for all scoliosis patients.
Well sadly, as I write today I can tell you that the pursuit of non surgical treatments, and prayer did not prevail. Now at 24 years I have a 70 degree C curve with a high rate of progression and am one month away from scoliosis surgery.
Now lets discuss emotions,or better lack of emotions - I have never felt so disconnected, numb, and scared at the same time. When I received the phone call from Dr. Mahood's office a week ago informing me that a date has been set (March 25, 2014) I was not sure if I should cry and run away or leap in joy. I am still in the same state of confusion and shock. One day I'll proclaim to my family and friends that this is all I have been waiting for and what an amazing thing surgery will be, then in the same breath start crying and realize how small and alone I really feel.
I am sure that future Megan will look back at this post and say "silly girl what were you worrying about everything turned out just fine" and trust me I cannot wait for that day.
But for now, I have pre-assessment at the Royal Alex Hospital on Monday to make sure everything is a-okay. In addition, I am currently compiling a list of surgery preparation for the home and heart - It will be my next post :)
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