One Year Anniversary

Wow, time fly's. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my spinal fusion surgery to correct scoliosis. This significant milestone has been a long time coming; however, the journey has been filled with many lessons and rewards. I am pleased to say I am now living an "almost" pain free life. I have dived into an active fitness routine, a yoga lifestyle, and a healthy organic eating plan. All of these items coupled with the love and support of my family and friends have made the recovery process significantly easier. 

My family still reminds me of how I was up and out of bed within 2 weeks of being home and that I insisted to drive myself to work within a month. Now I am unsure if this was a wise idea; however, the rate in which I recovered was truly amazing. Throughout the last year there has been numerous occasions where I managed to do something "stupid" which rendered me immobile for upwards of a week. For example, pushing myself too hard in my workouts, insisting I could lift heavy objects, general clumsiness, or stress induced pain. Nonetheless, I always bounced back and continued onwards towards the next obstacle. 

The only concern I still have is the upper bolt securing the rods. When I am stressed or tired it seems to jut out of my back under my left shoulder blade causing a very uncomfortable amount of pain. Dr. Mahood should be calling me to book a one year check up any day now and hopefully he has some recommendations on how to realign the bolts positioning. As of my most recent x-rays my spine is still at 35 degree curve. This is 1/2 of what it was prior to surgery (70 degrees). I believe very scoliosis patient wishes the results would have been just a little better then. However, I am grateful that my body was able to endure the process to gain the 50% correction. 

The major point I feel the need to express is the benefits of eating healthy and taking care of ones body. I hear so many stores of people with severe back pain that instead of getting up and moving decide that the best remedy is to stay in bed all day. Now I am not saying this as a blanket statement, I am fully aware that there are cases out there where exercise is not the best solution. However, I can say for myself that when I begin the experience the most pain is when I have forgotten to stretch and practice yoga for a few days. On the topic of yoga.... 

I saw this picture the other day and couldn't refrain from laughing. This is exactly how I feel. When the instructor simply requests that everyone do a forward bend and I am not quite at a 90 degree angle I need to remember to laugh at myself and not get frustrated. There will always be moves and poses that I will never conquer simply because metal does not bend. And... it should NOT BEND.  However, the stretches I can achieve do wonders for relieving stress on my spine and muscles.  

 

Cheers to one year Post Spinal Fusion Surgery and

Cheers to many more years standing taller!

Learning My Limits

Ho hum, this is not the first time I've had a day or two of pain due to self inflicted harmful actions. A). Do not try and step off the couch and forget your legs are tucked under you and proceed to launch yourself through the air onto the hard ground. B.) Remember when your doctor says do not lift  too heavy of weights they are not trying to ruin your fun but instead actually know better. Sadly, my fun actions have left my entire back very weak, my arms shaking, and my energy levels depleted.

Therefore, my evening will consist of Epsom salt baths and warm heating pads...sad way to spend Halloween.

Speaking of Halloween, first year since I was 14 that I could have worn a "sexier" shirt without feeling self conscious... also the first year that I really don't want to dress sexy - interesting-
Maybe it is just nice knowing that my friends can't suggest the Hunchback of Notre-dame as a fitting costume. I am sure happy to not have a large rib hump anymore. Regardless, this evening will be spent alone relaxing so whether I had chosen to be a sexy marshmallow or a ghost it doesn't overly matter.

Last week I was blessed with the opportunity to visit an old university friend who had just had back surgery himself. It was very interesting to compare all the similarities and events that took place in both our lives, while at the same time acknowledging the many differences. It was like walking down memory lane hearing about the difficulties of getting in and out of a chair, the lack of energy, the awful effects of medication. I am sure happy that those rough days are in my past and now all I have to focus on is not being stupid and hurting myself. It is wonderful though to see others becoming stronger and overcoming back surgery, the medical system has come leaps and bounds over the years and I do believe that surgery recoveries will continue to become easier and easier.

All that being said - still can't properly tie my shoes as my arms just don't reach over my knees with my back rigid - Velcro forever, I think so :) 

Memories

    Scars are memories of obstacles we overcame.

Feeling stronger and more confident every day. Activities are being less painful and my extreme fatigue is fading. I actually believe that better pain free days are on the horizon <3 My 6 month check up with Dr. Mahood went wonderfully. He did confirm that I had done some serious muscle trauma by pushing myself too hard; however, my spine is intact and fusing properly. I need to stop thinking I'm superwoman and let my back continue to heal properly and perhaps this whole experience will turn out with a very positive ending, 

6 months post op. 

Pain ~ Appointments ~ Life

September 2 -  I go for my approx. 6 month check up with Dr. Mahood. The pain these last few days has been very prominent, my head is swimming, my hips feel like they are encased in concrete, everything seems like a chore, and all of this is coupled with exhaustion. I am beyond surface tired and I feel like the exhaustion is running straight to my bones. It is at moments of physical exhaustion that my emotions loss control. I am convinced that the fusion must have failed - why else would the pain be so consistent. It is like a permanent dull ache that goes through every inch of my body. I sometimes sit back and wonder if the surgery was worth it; however, at the degree's I was at and the rate of progression the surgery wasn't really debatable.

It is evident that my emotions are strongly tied to my physical health. I find myself crumbling as soon as the pain kicks in. I have always been an over-researcher when it comes to any ailment or just anything that I happen to question (which is almost everything). Let's just say Google Scholar is my best friend. Interestingly enough, spinal fusion and fatigue go hand in hand even for years post surgery and this chronic fatigue can lead to bouts of depression. Now I am very grateful that I am not prone to depression; however, I have felt it knocking on my door this last week. Sadly, many of the symptoms of depression are isolation, more fatigue, lack of motivation etc... which means that the things in life like friends and laughter which can break the depression are the exact things you begin to avoid. If only my cat was a strong enough source of happiness to bring joy everyday then I would never have to experience these moods.

This may be something I will have to learn to live with for the meantime while striving to find the best way to stay strong and smile through the bad days. In the meantime heating pads, painkillers, my kitten, and tea will be my best friends.

Remembering to Smile on Cloudy Days

Aching, Tired, and Weak are three words to sum up my day. I must have slept at an awkward angle last night because today is rough!. I guess there will always be good and bad days, but severe back pain makes for a pretty bad day. The one thing I find with the pain from scoliosis is that it has a direct influence on my emotions. Therefore, not only is my body screaming but my mind as well. I feel like crawling into a little ball and yelling at the world to leave me alone.... Ah yes I do know this will pass and I do look forward to my cheery outlook on life. However, momentarily it is hard to see through this veil of pain. 

 On a similar note I really have to express how this Blog has been a struggle for me. I am an introvert at heart. I revel in my alone time, seek out the quiet spots, and keep friendships very few. I find when any pain or weakness sneaks into my life my first reaction is to hide away. It took a lot of strength to not delete this blog all together due to feeling too exposed. However, I honestly believe that it will be a source of knowledge for other young girls or boys going through scoliosis spinal surgery and for that reason I will let my emotions go through their roller coaster ride without making rash decisions.

I was a bit shocked to find that even 3 1/2 months post operation there are days when the weakness and tiredness from my back becomes overwhelming. The majority of my days  I feel like I could climb Mt. Everest; however, then there are days where getting out of bed is a struggle. I do pray that over the course of time these brutal days will begin to become obsolete. <3

3 Months Post Op

                                                   

Here I am 3 months post operation. Scar is looking lovely and almost all feeling has returned to my hips and lower back. It has been a tough journey, but one that I do not regret taking. I feel stronger and taller, which has made my quality of life significantly better. I am living basically pain free and could not be happier. I have successfully returned to a 5 days a week gym routine consisting of cardio and weight lifting. There is a few restrictions regarding lifting weights over my head or placing weights on my shoulders but overall my workouts are still intense. I went for my first run yesterday. It was a very odd feeling as I could feel the rods in my back moving up and down ( or at least that's how it felt). However, there was no pain and I felt like my stride was more even then prior to surgery. 

Words of Advice 

1/ Patience - you will get better, you will be stronger. Healing takes time

2/ Bloating can last up to a year - even three months post op there are days when food does not sit right. My digestive system is still a Little wacky. Psylium husk has been the miracle solution for me. It is a natural product you can get t health food stores which aids in digestion and bowel functions. BUT - do not and I repeat do not ... Take to much ... Then it works backwards and can back you up :) one teaspoon a day is plenty. 

3/ Bending and twisting till is impossible. I have learn to bend my leg at a weird angle to tie my shoes. Honestly, the best thing I did was buy slip on shoes. They are still my best friend. 

4/ Weird body behaviors - more acne, random twitching of the limbs, nerves sending pulses of pain. All of these may happen over the course of your recover. My skin flared up as if I was in high school after getting off the medications. I am assuming it was the drugs leaving my body. My legs will occasionally twitch and send little nerve tingles up my body. My doctor assured me this is just nerves healing themselves and reconnecting. 

5/ Surround yourself with positive people who are honestly there to love and support you - you will amaze yourself :) 

Feeling Like Life has Returned to Normal

I honestly feel like my life has returned to normal. I am back working 40 hour weeks and going to the gym 5 days a week. Health and fitness have always been a major part of my life. I keep to a strict vegetarian diet and overall try and keep my fitness at a high level. I can proudly say I have bicep curled 10lb, have managed to complete body weight lunges and squats, and am actively doing all types of cardio. My favorite at the moment is the spin bike; it allows me to control the rate and force of my body and still provides a high intensity burn. I am proud of my accomplishments and truly believe that scoliosis surgery does not have to hold you back from the things you love in life. I had a friend suggest that I consider doing a fitness competition! (In my dreams), I still do have a 35 degree curve and I don't believe that in today's standards of beauty and perfection that I would qualify for such a competition. Nonetheless, I feel really pretty and fierce and that is what really matters. 

I am really grateful that I decided to start this blog at the beginning of my journey, it has provide a great look back into my emotions and thoughts at the time. In an odd sort of way the surgery feels like a dream, like a foggy past which is hard to recall. Perhaps that was due to the high dose of morphine :). Therefore, this blog has allowed me to relate to myself at those moments where I was unsure of where I was.

I am open to being contacted by anyone who stumbles across this blog and has questions and concerns about scoliosis surgery. The best things is having someone who has been there and done that - and ultimately can relate to you.

Thanks everyone for there support,

meganshowe5@gmail.com